How to Support Someone Who is Suicidal: What Actually Helps (And What Doesn’t)

Aubrey
2 days ago
3 min read

September is Suicide Prevention Month, and I want to talk about something that rarely gets addressed honestly: what it feels like to be suicidal, and what support can actually look like.

Here’s the thing: there isn’t a one-size-fits-all answer. Suicidal thoughts don’t look the same for everyone. They’re deeply personal, often messy, and always misunderstood from the outside. I can only share what my experience was like and what might have made a difference for me. My hope is that by opening this door, it helps you see ways to better support someone you love.

Why I Stayed Silent

For me, silence felt safer than speaking up.

I was terrified of being judged, labeled, or reported.
I knew that saying certain words out loud could land me in an involuntary hold, which felt more like punishment than care.
I worried that people would panic, overreact, or never look at me the same way again.

That silence wasn’t because I didn’t want help; it was because the “help” available didn’t feel safe, and I know I’m not the only one who’s felt that way.

What Didn’t Help

When I was in my darkest places, the things people said rarely reached me.

“Think positive.”

“Just breathe.”

“Focus on the good.”

At that point, the thoughts were louder than anything outside of me. Those phrases didn’t comfort me; they made me feel more misunderstood, more broken, more alone.

What I needed wasn’t advice. It wasn’t solutions, it was presence.

What Would Have Helped Me

Supporting someone who is suicidal isn’t about fixing them. It’s about offering a safe space to exist as they are, without judgment, without panic, without pressure to be “better.”

Here are the things that might have made a difference for me, and that I believe can help others too:

Listen without fixing. Silence is okay. Sometimes just sitting with someone matters more than words.
Validate their pain. Instead of shutting it down with “Don’t say that,” try “That sounds really heavy. I’m glad you told me.”
Respect autonomy. Unless there’s an immediate safety risk, don’t assume you know what’s best. For me, the fear of being forced into treatment was what kept me silent.
Offer connection, not solutions. A simple walk, sitting side by side, or sharing a meal says more than a lecture ever could.
Keep showing up. Withdrawal is part of the struggle, don’t take it personally. Gentle consistency can be life-saving.
Ask what they need. Don’t guess, ask. “What feels supportive right now?” goes a long way.

Supporting Without Losing Yourself

If you love someone who’s struggling, it can feel overwhelming. You may worry constantly or feel helpless when you can’t make things better. Supporting someone through suicidal thoughts takes energy, and you need care too.

Here are a few reminders for you, the supporter:

You don’t have to be their savior. Your role isn’t to cure their pain, it’s to stand beside them.
Set gentle boundaries. It’s okay to admit when you’re drained. You can say, “I care about you so much, and I also need a little time to recharge so I can show up for you.”
Know your limits. If their safety is at immediate risk, it’s okay to seek professional or crisis support. Safety matters, even when it’s complicated.
Find your own support system. Lean on trusted friends, therapy, or support groups so you don’t carry it alone.
Take care of your body. Sleep, movement, and nourishment are not luxuries; they help you stay grounded when someone you love isn’t.

Your presence matters, but so does your well-being. You can’t pour from an empty cup.

The Bigger Picture

Suicide prevention isn’t about knowing the perfect words. It’s about creating safe spaces where people feel:

Human, not broken.
Loved, not managed.
Seen, not silenced.

I can’t tell you what will work for every single person, but I can tell you this: presence is powerful. Compassion is powerful; listening without judgment is powerful.

If you’re supporting someone, remember, you don’t have to fix them. Sometimes, just standing beside them is what keeps them alive.

💙 If this resonates with you, I’ve shared more about this in my latest podcast episode, where I go deeper into my personal experiences and give practical guidance for both supporting loved ones and taking care of yourself along the way.

You can find it here